$4.32 and a man named Ken Dilbeck

This evening I enjoyed a wonderful, almost gluttonous, meal at Rafferty's.  On my way home, I was feeling pretty miserable, which was probably due to the white chocolate banana pie I ate.  Or maybe, the salad, croissant, catfish, and fries.  Either way, I was definitely full.  I was close to Berry Plastics when I saw a man standing on the corner on the left with a sign "Can You Help This Homeless Vet"  I did what I normally do - made eye contact and smiled.  A few years ago, I would have locked the doors and done everything within my power to avoid my eyes meeting his.  But, that's not who I am now.  And Goofy Richard told me that those smiles mean a lot to them, since there are so many cars that drive by and pay them no mind.  I got a nudge, no a 2x4 upside the head, that I needed to turn back around and get him some McDonalds.  I had $3 cash (plus some change I keep in the truck), and $4.55 on my Ivy Tech debit card, leftover from dropping my class.  So, I went back to McD's, got 2 McDoubles, a McChicken, and a $1 fry.  It came to $4.32.  Perfect.  That means I have $.22 left on that debit card.  I pulled out and got in the far left lane, hoping the man would still be there.  As I pulled up (after locking the doors), the light turned red, which was perfect.  I rolled down the window and held out the bag.  He said, with a huge half-toothless grin, "oh, I've been praying for some food!"  I talked to him a minute, wondering if he was getting services from Aurora (the local homeless service provider).  He said he had a case manager there, but was doing almost everything through the VA.  I noticed he was holding his sign with two hands, and in one of them he had his VA ID card.  I'm assuming it was so he could prove to passersby that he was actually a vet.  I asked him what his name was, so I, and you, could pray for him by name, and told him that I would pray for him.  He said he needed that more than food.  Both my Papaw and my grandfather, as well as my dad Jack, were veterans.  I've been around people in the military my whole life.  Now, I don't know this guy's situation at all.  But, he's a vet.  And, it's almost September 11th.  Something about that makes my heart hurt a little.  A man who served our country is holding up a sign for food or what small amount of cash people will throw out the window at him.  I'm sure there's a reason he's homeless - there always is.  But that doesn't make him any less a child of God, just the same as you and me.  So, I spent $4.32 and made him happy, even for a few seconds.  I treated him like a human, just for a few minutes.  And, I'll spend sometime this evening praying for him.  It's my calling, my lot in life, to serve these people.  And, I don't go looking for them - He brings them to me, or me to them.

I'm not writing this to make me seem superior, or have someone give me an AttaGirl.  I'm just hoping that you'll at least pray for Ken Dilbeck.  Or, the next time you see someone on the street corner with a sign, and you have an extra $4.32 and 5 minutes, turn around and run through the drive thru.  You have no idea - it might change their life - and yours.

Karing for Keegan

There is a little boy from Evansville named Keegan Chupp.  I've never met him or his parents Beth & Ryan, but they go to my church.  Well, kinda.  See, Keegan has medullablastoma.  This poor baby even had a stroke before he was born.  He was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 7 1/2 months.  You can read more about him at http://karingforkeegan.blogspot.com/

His family is getting ready to head to NYC for his second round of treatments.  The first worked, but the cancer came back - I believe in his spinal fluid.  This poor family has already been through so much, and now they're having to fight this again.  I'm pleading with you to check out www.bbqbenefit.com.  Some of our friends are having a BBQ Benefit for them this Saturday, to try and get some funding raised for the Chupps.  Even if you don't want the BBQ, please consider making a donation.  Or, order some BBQ and I'll take it to the Rescue Mission, or to some of my underprivileged neighbors.  Also, please consider volunteering Saturday morning.  We need 10-12 more volunteers starting at 10:00 a.m.  It's over at 2:00, but even if you can only show up for 30 minutes, please let me know.

As you probably already know, we aren't doing a summer outreach.  I know that Thomasson Outreaches has a great following.  If you've ever donated to us or volunteered with us in the past, please consider this cause.  Yes, I'm begging and pleading.  I can't imagine what this family is going through.  I don't have kids.  The only thing I can equate it to is if it was one of my nieces or nephews.  And, I know that's not even close to the same.  But, I want to help them as much as I can.  Not because I have this overabundance of cash laying around.  Not even because I love BBQ.  Because I know they need it.  And that's what "THE CHURCH" does.  And, that's what you people do.  You donate your time and resources to those less fortunate than you.  And for some reason God has called me to organize stuff like that.  He has helped me develop a network of people, believers and non-believers alike, that have a heart for outreach.  I don't think outreach is only feeding hundreds of people - it can also be focused on one family.  Please consider this cause, but do it quickly, as the benefit is this Saturday, so orders need to be placed by Thursday.

Thanks for being the awesome people that you are!!!

Phillipians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Phillipians 4:6


This evening, I did something very unbiblical - i was anxious.  I don't mean I was worried about something in my head.  I mean I was hiding in the center room of my house, on the phone with my mother-in-law, with a golf club in my hands.  Why?  It was closer than the knives in the kitchen.  Oh, why was I doing that?  Because Goofy Richard was knocking on my door - for 15 minutes.  The dogs were going crazy and probably would have come through the metal front door if they could have.  I just let them keep barking and growling while I was shaking and whispering on the phone (so he didn't hear me).  This has gotten out of control.  He finally went away, only for me to realize that I had a bunch of stuff in the truck I needed to bring in.  I finally called my neighbor to walk out with me.  I then informed every neighbor I know that he has been told not to come here, and if they see him he needs to leave.  It's pretty sad when I spend a Friday evening in the central room of my home because I don't want to be seen through the windows (even though they have curtains, you can still see shadows and movement).  How did feeding people for Thanksgiving turn into being terrified to be alone in my own home?  The bad thing is - I almost feel guilty.  I was called to feed hungry people and he's hungry!  So, what do I do with that?  Next time he comes and I'm alone, I'm calling the police, no questions asked.  But it's pretty sad it's come to this!  How did my "calling" become so dangerous?  Am I a horrible Christian for being afraid - should I be confident that the Lord will protect me?

The Richards

I've never been much of an enabler.  I've been around plenty of addicts in my time (in fact, I am one, and I'm married to one - great combo, huh?).  I'm pretty good at setting boundaries, but not so great at keeping them up.  One boundary we've always had with the homeless guys is our home - they don't know where we live.  I'm a girl - I like a sense of security.  That's something you can't really have when you've got homeless men knowing where you live.  So, when I was home alone about 3 weeks ago and a homeless man knocked on my front door, I was a little freaked out (make that a lot!).  But, he said God sent him because he was hungry.  Well, that's enough for me!  Of course I fed him.  And then when he came back a few days later, I fed him again, and again, and again.  Goofy Richard and his friend Richard C are eating me out of house and home.  Which wouldn't be so bad if they didn't have any other resources.  But, they do.  There are meals served every day.  There are food pantires to go to.  And they aren't going to them.  Goofy Richard was at the rescue mission yesterday, and didn't take the food they were going to give him.  He's supposed to get food from us tonight.  I just can't believe that.  After all we've done for him, and after all the lies he's told us...  I'm just irate.  I'm mad at myself, because I've unintentionally become an enabler.  I didn't know he was an addict (but I should have assumed); I didn't know he was turning down food other places while completely depleting my pantry in less than a month (but I guess I should have assumed).  That's one thing I've learned about the homeless - expect NOTHING.

The problem is, God told me to feed hungry people.  There was no "but" from Him.  But, you don't have to feed the ones who are strung out, or the drunk ones, or the ones who lie, or the ones who make you feel creepy.  He never said that.  At the same time, I don't believe that He wants us to enable, and I don't believe He wants me to feel unsafe in my own home.  And I do.  Which just isn't cool.  In addition, I don't even have a can of soup right now (but we're far from starving with what we have in our freezers!)  I've done all of this to the Lord over the years - asked Him for things while I was drunk, lied to Him about stuff he knew wasn't true, made promises to Him I never intended on keeping.  And as a good Papa, He disciplined me for it because I didn't follow the rules He had laid out for me.  I'm not saying I'm perfect or sinless - FAR FROM IT!  But I'm a very different person than I was just a few short years ago.  My rules for these guys are they need to be clean and sober.  I don't really have a problem with alcohol (in fact, i enjoyed several glasses of really good wine last saturday evening).  What I have a problem with is coming on my front porch, completely trashed, and asking for money, food, etc.  That's disrespectful and breaks one of my rules.  After finding out he lied to me about having cancer (probably so i'd get him into a doctor to get meds for his addiction) and then refused food from someone else trying to help, I've decided I'm done.  If there is a specific need that someone else can't fill, he can contact one of the organizations in town and they can get ahold of me.  But that's it. 

My fear is, because we are telling him this tonight, that he's going to get angry.  I hope and pray he's in an open frame of mind and not under the influence.  I keep waiting for our house to get broken into, our car windows to get broken, or us to get assaulted.  Maybe I'm being too paranoid, but maybe not.  I'm literally scared to be in my home because these guys know where we live, and now we're making them mad.  I'm hoping some people can come to the park with us tonight - partially to back us up just in case they flip, but also to show these guys some love.  See, I'm not really feeling very loving right now, and I'm praying that goes away before 6:30 tonight!

Please keep these guys in your prayers.  Even though they've kinda wronged some people who were trying to help them, they're still children of God who need salvation, grace, mercy, and love just as much as any of us do.

When Tuesday feels like Monday

The last few weeks, Tuesdays have felt like Monday, Part 2.  Today is no exception.  I stayed up way too late last night because I was on a very important phone call.  Needless to say, when you go to bed at 12:30, 6:15 comes way too quickly.  The dog decided he wanted to go out 5 times this morning.  Of course, he didn't do anything the last 4.  When I turned the radio on in the bathroom, my favorite station, Way FM, wasn't coming in very clearly, so I missed my morning worship and listening to Mornings With Brant.  Because it was so humid, my hair wouldn't dry.  And I just couldn't find anything to wear (well, I have plenty of clothes, but I couldn't find anything I wanted to wear.  As I was putting my shoes on (seriously, they're flip flops.  It doesn't take much effort!) I fell.  Into the sliding closet doors.  The dogs came up about 3 feet off the bed, and I'm pretty sure the doors are no longer on their track.  But, I didn't  have time to fix them, because I went to bed way too late last night.  So, with an aching head and a tweaked knee, I made my way downstairs and out to the truck.  Only to remember part of the reason  I was up so late last night was so I could make my lunch. So, I had to run back in the house and pack up my lunch.  At least I was able to pick up the radio station in the truck.  I'm such a creature of habit that if you mess with my routine I get grouchy.

After a couple of songs played, Brant started talking about a Facebook discussion he was having.  A lady said that we (Christians) shouldn't refer to ourselves as sinners.  If he continued to do so on his radio show, she would quit supporting the station (which is listener supported).  What a load of crap.  There isn't a day that has gone by where I haven't sinned.  I'm a horrible, awful, sinful person in a horrible, awful, sinful world.  Only He was free from sin.  And one day (obviously not May 21, 2011), either I'll leave this place and join Him for eternity, or He'll come back for us all.  So, I'm thinking about all of this as I'm driving 55 MPH down the Lloyd.  All of the sudden, I see something on the white dashed lines in between the right and center lanes.  It was a mama duck and about 8 babies right behind her.  She was shielding them from the oncoming cars.  I looked behind me real quick and saw no one was coming up on me, so I slammed on my brakes.  The guy next to me did too.  And the car next to him.  I'm just hoping they made it okay.  But, they were going towards the center of the Expressway.  I seriously burst into tears.  I had come so close to hitting them.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but I swear I saw straight up terror in this mama duck's eyes. 

It made me think of my relationship with the Lord.  There have been several times where I've been in a terrifying situation.  But just as that mama duck had her babies close behind her, I felt the Lord going just in front of me, looking back and telling me it was going to be okay.  No one ever said it was easy to follow Him.  And I'm not sure anyone ever said we'd quit sinning when we made that decision.  But He promised to be with us always, whether it's Monday, or Tuesday that feels like Monday.  I'm praying the rest of today feels more like Thursday.

Praying for your enemies

This morning I received a challenge on Facebook from Mornings With Brant (www.morningswithbrant.com)   Here's the challenge: "Pick someone you can't stand, or at least struggle with, and pray for him/her each day for a week, starting today.  We'll check back in a week.  Are you in?  And if so, feel free to tell us (without specifics, names, etc.) for whom you're praying."  Upon reading this in my news feed, I knew instantly two things: 1-I HAD to do this (but don't want to) and 2-I was supposed to pray for Krystal.  She's my step-brother's soon to be ex-wife and the mother of my two nephews and niece who have been living with my mother since November. 

There are so many reasons why I should, and do, hate her.  And, there are several reasons why I shouldn't.  This is the big one: "You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.'  I'm challenging that.  I'm telling you to love your enemies.  Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst.  When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of pray, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves.  That is what God does.  He gives his best-the sun to warm and the rain to nourish-to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty.  If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus?  Anybody can do that.  If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal?  Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.  In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up.  You're kingdom subjects.  Now live like it.  Live out your God-created identity.  Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." (Matthew 5: 43-48)  Wow.  There's no beating around the bush there.  And, this wasn't Peter or Paul saying this - it was Jesus.  It's not a request - it's a command from the One I said I was giving my life to.

Why is this so hard for me?  Why is it so easy to pray for people in Alabama and Memphis, or Myanmar, or the homeless guy I saw this morning on the way to work, yet so hard to pray for the mother of my niece and nephews?  I think it's because she's wronged me.  She's called me names.  She's hurt people I love.  People in Alabama and Memphis - I don't know them.  And none of them have crossed me.  But she has.  So, I'm going to spend the next 7 days praying for her.  Not praying for what I want out of the situation, but praying for her needs,  because He knows them.  And, I have a feeling it will be a lot like your nose itching during a CT Scan.  They say you can't move, so you suddenly have the most intense nose itch.  I'm committing to praying for seven days.  I pray every day, and usually don't even know I do it.  It's habit.  But committing to it?  I have a feeling I'll conveniently "forget" to do this each day.

So, how about you?  Do you now feel challenged to "Grow up.  You're kingdom subjects.  Now live like it.  Live out your God-created identity.  Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."?