I've never been much of an enabler. I've been around plenty of addicts in my time (in fact, I am one, and I'm married to one - great combo, huh?). I'm pretty good at setting boundaries, but not so great at keeping them up. One boundary we've always had with the homeless guys is our home - they don't know where we live. I'm a girl - I like a sense of security. That's something you can't really have when you've got homeless men knowing where you live. So, when I was home alone about 3 weeks ago and a homeless man knocked on my front door, I was a little freaked out (make that a lot!). But, he said God sent him because he was hungry. Well, that's enough for me! Of course I fed him. And then when he came back a few days later, I fed him again, and again, and again. Goofy Richard and his friend Richard C are eating me out of house and home. Which wouldn't be so bad if they didn't have any other resources. But, they do. There are meals served every day. There are food pantires to go to. And they aren't going to them. Goofy Richard was at the rescue mission yesterday, and didn't take the food they were going to give him. He's supposed to get food from us tonight. I just can't believe that. After all we've done for him, and after all the lies he's told us... I'm just irate. I'm mad at myself, because I've unintentionally become an enabler. I didn't know he was an addict (but I should have assumed); I didn't know he was turning down food other places while completely depleting my pantry in less than a month (but I guess I should have assumed). That's one thing I've learned about the homeless - expect NOTHING.
The problem is, God told me to feed hungry people. There was no "but" from Him. But, you don't have to feed the ones who are strung out, or the drunk ones, or the ones who lie, or the ones who make you feel creepy. He never said that. At the same time, I don't believe that He wants us to enable, and I don't believe He wants me to feel unsafe in my own home. And I do. Which just isn't cool. In addition, I don't even have a can of soup right now (but we're far from starving with what we have in our freezers!) I've done all of this to the Lord over the years - asked Him for things while I was drunk, lied to Him about stuff he knew wasn't true, made promises to Him I never intended on keeping. And as a good Papa, He disciplined me for it because I didn't follow the rules He had laid out for me. I'm not saying I'm perfect or sinless - FAR FROM IT! But I'm a very different person than I was just a few short years ago. My rules for these guys are they need to be clean and sober. I don't really have a problem with alcohol (in fact, i enjoyed several glasses of really good wine last saturday evening). What I have a problem with is coming on my front porch, completely trashed, and asking for money, food, etc. That's disrespectful and breaks one of my rules. After finding out he lied to me about having cancer (probably so i'd get him into a doctor to get meds for his addiction) and then refused food from someone else trying to help, I've decided I'm done. If there is a specific need that someone else can't fill, he can contact one of the organizations in town and they can get ahold of me. But that's it.
My fear is, because we are telling him this tonight, that he's going to get angry. I hope and pray he's in an open frame of mind and not under the influence. I keep waiting for our house to get broken into, our car windows to get broken, or us to get assaulted. Maybe I'm being too paranoid, but maybe not. I'm literally scared to be in my home because these guys know where we live, and now we're making them mad. I'm hoping some people can come to the park with us tonight - partially to back us up just in case they flip, but also to show these guys some love. See, I'm not really feeling very loving right now, and I'm praying that goes away before 6:30 tonight!
Please keep these guys in your prayers. Even though they've kinda wronged some people who were trying to help them, they're still children of God who need salvation, grace, mercy, and love just as much as any of us do.
